Crown's, Frogs and Paychecks
by TheMcgabster
Summary: Bel and Fran get jobs...and lot's of them. Each chapter is a different job. Enjoy.
1. Policemen

" YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SUCK MY DICK!" Bel and Fran highfived as they made their first arrest of a well known drug dealer.

"Oh yeah you like that? you like that?" Fran asked as they both began to dramaticlly hump the drug dealer who was lying on his stomache on the ground, his hands handcuffed behind his back.

**~Later that day~**

"you forgot to read his Miranda rights!" The police cheif bellowed as Bel and Fran sat down hunched in the seats in front of his desk.

"But we did" Bel muttered.

"Telling him you have the right to suck your dick is NOT the rights! Do you even know what the miranda rights _are?_"

"Pshhhh yes duh!" Bel replied.

"Then tell me" The chief sat back and folding his hands across his lap and gestured for Bel to say them.

"But your busy and-"

"Tell them" The chief threatened.

"Well I mean...Of course they start off as..You have the right...to be an attorney"

"Did you just say 'you have the right to be a attorney?" The cheif raised an eyebrow.

"All due respect, he DOES have the right to be one and-"

"shutup both of you...I will tape a snorkle to your face and I will be shitting at the end of it if you dont get YOUR ACT TOGETHER!" The cheif bellowed and sent them out the office.

"Well...that went better then I thought" Fran said and they both nodded.

* * *

Fran nudged Bel and pointed to a random car and Bel nodded and flipped up a switch on the dashboard, at once the blue and red lights on top of the car began to wail and go off. Immedatly the random car that they had picked pulled over to the side.

"Ushish, Your turn Frog" Bel chuckled as Fran got out of the car and approached the window where the guy had already rolled down his window, before the man could talk Fran had pulled out his gun and the guy shrieked and put his hands in the air.

"WHERE'S THE LITTLE GIRL!" Fran screamed.

"I DONT KNOW!" The man yelled back.

"SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!" Fran yelled right back.

"I DONT KNOW THE LITTLE GIRL!" The man began to cry uncontrollably.

Fran lowered his gun and smilied.

"there's the little girl"

* * *

Bel stood infront of the truck that had been earlier swerving dangerously on the road and Bel and Fran were forced to pull him over. The man was ontoxicated and the weed smell coming from his car was almost revolting.

"How high are you?" Bel asked suspicously.

"No officer it's, Hi, how are you?" The man slurred his words but Bel simply blinked. This drug head was smart...too smart.

"Well your clearly a major in english...have a good day" And without even a ticket the drunk man continued to swerve along the roads.

* * *

Bel and Fran were currently standing on either side of a 13 year old boy who was taken into the station for vandalizing a house, Bel and Fran were in charge of interrigating him.

"Look at me" (Bel)

"Look at me" (Fran)

"Listen to me but look at him" (Bel)

"listen to me" (Fran)

"Look at me" (Bel)

"Dont look at him, listen to me" (Fran)

"Look over at him, now back at me." (Bel)

"Listen to me but hear his face" (Fran)

"I didn't vandalize anything!" The boy said after awhile

"Aye aye aye! If I wanted to hear you talk I would stick my hand up your ass and make your mouth work like a puppet!" Fran yelled.

"If you dont start getting your life in order boy you'll end up in jail! And there are only two things in jail that you should start getting ready for: Soap...and Penis" Bel said and Fran nodded next to him, the 13 year old shuddered at the thought.

* * *

"At the crime scene, LOL" Fran muttered.

"Good tweet, good tweet" Bel said.

* * *

**please review! And also review on what other job's you'd like to read them doing! all suggestions are greatly appricated! Also dont be afraid to ask for wierd jobs like male strippers cuz' that's what makes the stories funny :)**

**REVIEW PLEASE! **


	2. Strippers

The lights suddenly dimmed. There was a hush over the crowd. Waitress's stopped momentarily serving to the eager men. There was a rustle of clothing as men started to dig into their jeans for cash. The show was about to start. This is what everyone had been waiting for. Once a week they would show up, ready for buisness. A hush went of the crowd as the red curtain began to slowly rise and a suddenly flickered and turned on with the words.

**TIARA AND LILLY**

The crowd erupted in cheers and already dollar bills began to pile up on the stage as two stripper poles began to fall down from the ceiling. And then they came out.

Bel and Fran were mathcing costumes, a black skin tight dress that came to mid calf, green wig for Fran and blonde one for Bel.

The groupd of unruly men whooped and cheered as they took their places at the poles. Backup dancers follwered them across the stage.

The music began to blast through the surround sound system.

_I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!_

Fran and Bel swung their bodies around the pole and flashing the men, but it was short lived. As something pierced Bel in the thigh.

"WHO DA FUQ THROW'S QUARTERS! DO YOU KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH QUARTERS? WITH a bullet from a fuckin' gun, fucker. If you receive a quarter from me, you are fucked forever. Do you understand, fuck? I'll send ya straight to hell, fucker!"

"Calm down Bel!" Hisses Fran as he continued with his routine.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! NO ONE THROW'S COINS AT TIARA! NOT ON MY WATCH!" Bel growled as he leaped down from the stage and began to search for the perpitrator. The men, thinking it was still part of the routine began to slap Bel's ass and tuck money in the folds of his costume.

It was then that Fran suddenly got cut on his right cheeks.

"WHO THE HELL THROW'S CREDIT CARDS! THIS SITUATION IS HEADING TO FUCKTOWN FAST!" Fran lept off his pole and started to hassle anyone who owned credit card's of course the men thought the same thing, it was all part of the script, right?

"AHHHH!" Bel screamed as he was thrown under a grey machine, Bel was pinned underneath and Fran ran over to help him up. Now Bel was furious.

"FuckMcMUFFIN! WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK THROW'S A ATM MACHINE!" Bel roared as he was finally freed from the machine.

It was at that moment that Fran was suddenly knocked to the ground, he held his head in his hands, and when he looks up, his eye's bore hatred.

"I'M GOING TO RAPE WHOEVER THREW THE SOLID GOLD BRICKS AT ME!" Fran roared.

"BEL! I think it's time for us to retire!" Huffed Fran as he and Bel began to get pelted.

"me too, I dont think stripper's is the right job for us"

And with that Bel and Fran managed to run out of the strip club and speed away in a stolen bat mobile.

* * *

**Review? review please**


	3. Teachers

"Are you our substitute teachers?" A rich/teacher's pet girl pipped up from the front row of the classroom. The rest of the kids were either picking their noses or sleeping.

"Damn straight we are! Now the first rule to prostitution is to NEVER and I mean NEVER use your real name..." Fran trailed off as blank faces stared back at him.

"Ushish, Stupid frog this isn't prostition school, it's elementary" Bel snickered as Fran stared blankly at him.

"I brought you some cookies!" said the girl as she brought a tub of cookies up to bel who eyed her warily as he slowly reached into the cookies.

"These taste like SHIT!"

"GO TO THE PRINCABLE!"

* * *

**MATHMATICS**

"Now you carry the 2...over to the other side of board, and leave it there, fuck 2's, nobody needs 2's in life" Bel ranted as he began to do a simple 2+2=? equation on the board, which proved to be incredibly hard for him.

"now this cross here" Bel pointed to the + symbol "Represents that church's hates math and so nobody so learn about it" Bel finally concluded.

Fran stood behind him with a hand under his chin and was nodding while saying "yes yes, I see what you did there"

"Now to conclude this lesson, I will sing a song...MATH CITY BITCH, MATH MATH CITY BITH, 10 10 10 PLUS 20 EQUALS 50 BITCH"

* * *

**SCIENCE**

"Today in science we will be disceting a certain 'frog'" Bel smiled as he stared down at Fran who was currently strapped down to a lab table.

The students all eagerly crowded around him with knifes in their hands.

"Dont do this Bel...dont do this Bel" Fran cried out over and over again.

"Shut up frog, were about to open up you "testicles" which means "balls" children" Bel concluded for the children as he inched closer and closer.

"I loved you..." Fran whispered.

* * *

**ENGLISH**

"Today we will be reading Romeo and Juliet...How it really happened" Bel snickered as Fran opened a book.

"Juliet ate Romeo's head and genitals and then got shot on the highway"

"That's not how it happened" said a boy in the back row

"Shutup Dick! You dont know how it happened!" Bel shot back

"My names Derk" The boy growled.

"Dick, Derk, whatever, your still an ass"

"I'm telling my mommy" Derk said crying.

"GO TO THE OFFICE YOU LITTLE SHIT DICK!"

* * *

**LUNCH**

"This meal is terrible... it tastes like roasted dog asshole. I asked myself, "Who would slow roast a dog's asshole and feed it to me?" You would." Bel glared at the lunch lady.

"Fuck you lunch lady" Fran added.

* * *

**P.E.**

"KNEE'S TO CHEST! KNEE'S TO CHEST!" Bel bellowed as he blew the whistle.

The children huffed and puffed as Fran randomly pushed a child down.

"Can we please take these weights and tires off of us?" a girl stooped over and took a puff from her inhaler.

"SHE'S DOING STEROIDS! ANOTHER LAP FOR YOU!" Fran yelled as he pushed her down.

* * *

**SOCIAL STUDIES**

"...your telling me...the earth is _round__?_" Bel said in astonished.

All the kids nodded.

"This..is news to me..." Fran was like.

* * *

The bell rang to dismiss schools for the day. And the children slowly dragged themselves out of the classroom. Beat up, bloody, and stupider from when they first came to school.

"I think they liked us" Fran nodded.

"Me too...But I can't stand children, we should just quit and find another job" Bel sighed as he sat down.

From the back of the room came a loud banging sound and the closet door opened and out tumbled the real teacher, gagged and handcuffed.

"Think we should untie him?" Fran asked.

"Fuck no!" Bel yelled as he grabbed the teacher and pushed him back in the closet.

"teach him a lesson for making the kids actually 'learn' pfft, learning is for pheasants" Bel sniffed as he and Fran walked out of the school.

"I think we should run Bel-sempei" Fran whispered.

"Why?"

"I planted a bomb in the science lab"

"No...we will badassly walk away from it like in the movies" Bel decided.

"Good idea!"

Just then the school behind them exploded and Bel and Fran were thrown to the ground...

"I can't hear! I can't hear! There's blood blisters on my hands! Oh, my God! How do you walk away in a movie without flinching when it explodes behind them? There's no way! I call bullshit on that! When they flew the Millennium Falcon outside of the Death Star, and it was followed by the explosion, that was bullshit" Fran yelled as he clutched his head.

"Hey! dont hate on star trek! THAT'S ACCURATE!" Bel shouted as he rolled around on the ground

* * *

**sorry for the long wait guys! but anyway please review! also give me some ideas on what they should do next :)  
REVIEW! **


	4. DriveThru

"I would like a Mcbiscuit with a chicken instead of the sausage..andddddd...uh...large fries"

A voice came from the headset that Fran was wearing over his frog hat. Fran lazily sat down in front of the monitor that he was _supposed _to use to take their order.

"OK so you want a Mcbitch, with large tender breasts and big buns" Fran replied. The person at the drive-thru blinked for a moment then repeated that they had ordered.

"Thats what I said! You want a Mcbitch!" Fran was starting to get angry.

"NO that not-" The person said but he was cut off

"That'll be 7.50, please dont pull up to the next window" Fran continued

* * *

"I would like a chicken sandwhich that it lightly seasoned please" Said a blonde to Bel as he pretended to take her order.

Bel scoffed "Ushisih, uh..NO! Security! SE-CURITY! This bitch trying to fight me" Bel said as he smacked his gum.

Suddenly Bel's phone began to ring and he used his 3 inch manicured nail to dramatically flip open his phone.

"OHh gurlll You would never guess what Jamal did last night" Bel said smacking him gum and sharpening his knives.

"WHAT THE HELL BEL!" Squalo screeching into the phone.

"Gurlll I will CUT YOU!" Bel snapped into the phone.

"SHUT THE VOI UP!" Squalo yelled ending the phone.

Suddenly the manager showed up.

"Bel I told you, you can't keep calling security every time someone had a complicated order!"He barked.

Bel just waved him away and the manager sighed.

Suddenly a guy walked up.

"Welcome to Mcbitchalds where we can do it your way...but don't get craz-a" Bel said lazily.

"I would like a cheese burger with no tomatos, cheese, lettuce, with fries that are-"

"Hell to the no! SECURITY! SECURITY!"

Suddenly the manager showed up.

"He was trynah fight me!" Bel accused.

"I was not"

"Boy I will CUT YOU!" Bel growled.

"I am SO sorry, He's from our...out of the hood program"

* * *

Bel held the plate of food in his hands as he made his way around the tables, looking for the correct order number that was sitting on the tables.

"Here's your food" Bel growled as he literally chucked the fries and hamburger at the people sitting around the table.

"BEL WHAT THE HELL?" The manager screamed.

"Oh yeah...Here's your drinks" Bel said as he threw the drinks in their faces.

* * *

"Can you speak up?" Fran asked as he strained to hear the drive-thru person.

"Hamburger..with the pickles...and the pickles...dont forget the pickles" The lady whispered. Fran frowned.

"duh fuq?"

"And the sweet sauce...all over my body" The lady whispered realy low.

"Are you trying to rape me? Via drive-thru?" Fran asked into the head set.

"I want the sweet...sauce...all over my body..."

"Are you trying to seduce me?...Because it's working" Fran said.

* * *

**Please review! It makes me update faster! Thanks for reader and have a great day!**


	5. Doctors

Dr. Bel stepped out of a patients room, his white lab coat billowed behind him as he made his way over to one of the patients family members. It was young chap, his head rested in his hands and his elbows probbed on his knees. He looked to have been crying.

The man looked up at the doctor and wiped his hands off his jeans as he stood up.

"How is she?" The man asked.

"Well it's a good thing you brought her in today, thought I dont know how much I can do for her" Bel said.

"What do you mean?" The man asked, his voice wavering at the end.

"Listen Jeff...Your mother...She's just so obese"

"I know-" The man was cut off

"I dont think you do know" Bel continued

"Well...how obese is she?" He asked, running a shaking hand through his tossled hair.

"You mother is so obese, that she is actually prespiring mayonese"

"oh gawd" The man in front of Dr. Bel buried his head in his hands.

"What should I do?" The man asked looking up.

"Let's get her on a 12 hour excerise, does she have a job?" Bel pulled out a pen and a notepad.

"Yeah, she workes at the movie theatres...she's one of the screens" The man said.

"Is she in an relationship?" Bel asked.

"She fell in love once...but she broke it"

"I see...I see" Bel nodded.

"Can I see her?" The man asked, anxiously looking at the door Bel had came out of.

"In a little bit, when she tried to sit up...she rocked herself to sleep"

"When should I pick her up?" Jeff asked.

"In a couple of hours, it'll probably take you two trips to get her home"

Suddenly another nurse walked out from the mother's room and made her way over to Bel.

"I'm sorry Dr. Bel but were having trouble finding her..." She glanced at the man and whispered the rest of it in Bel's hear.

"Roll her in flour and find the wet spot" Bel responded.

* * *

"Well I seem to have some bad news" Dr. Fran snapped off his glove and approached a man in the waiting room.

"Your wife is a vegstable, you must bath her, feed her, and clean her for the rest of your life" Fran stated.

"oh gawd!" The man said breaking into tears.

Fran suddenly laughed "Just kidding!...she's dead" and then walked off.

* * *

"I said I needed an EXAM! Not RACK OF LAMBS!" a guy yelled on the waiting table. Fran stood there dumbfounded as he held the rack of meat.

"You want a oral Exam?" Fran asked, he shrugged and started to unbutton his pants.

"NO NO NO! Not an ORAL exam!"

"You want your uncle sam?"

"YOU IDIOT! I dont have a uncle Sam!"

"OHHH ok! I get it now!" Fran yelled.

"Thank goodness!" The man said.

"Now bend over, it's time for your prostate exam!" Fran said cheerfully as he pulled down a glove over his hand with a 'snap'.

"NOOOo!

* * *

**SO SORRY I haven't updated in awhile! but please review! and review on what other jobs you wanna see them do! **


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